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"Bye Week" Stops By To Chat With C.W. About Sun Devil Football

House Of Sparky is on an incredible roll. We just interviewed Johnny Coy, and now the elusive Bye Week has even stopped by to honor us with an interview. Unfortunately, he's not quite the man he's been made out to be in the press and in oral interviews, but I will try to respect him for what he is, and not what I want him to be. That's how all relationships survive, isn't it? I am in bold.

We’ve already seen you once this season, and some would say it led to disastrous results (losing to California, laying an egg against USC). What makes you think that seeing you again will help our team become a better squad?

Frankly, I can’t guarantee that it will. Bye weeks like myself are difficult to come by, and can offer a team the rare opportunity to rest its wounded, and give more reps to young guys in practice. However, look at the roster. Thomas Weber’s arm doesn’t have anything to do with his awful season, and no amount of time can make Danny Sullivan faster. Rudy cannot magically heal, no matter how much you want him to.

I never said I wanted him to heal. At this point, we’re 2-4 and should see what Samson Szakacsy can do under center before we run into the wood shredder that is 2009.

You want a red shirt freshman quarterback running the team? What is this, 2005?

Actually, it kind of is. Experienced QB goes down, freshman plays out of his mind, sending ASU fans on a euphoric binge of unrealistic expectations for 2006? I can see some similarities. Trade Sam Keller!

Listen, you’re an ass. Bye weeks are for assessing your team’s strengths and weaknesses, watching the other team live on Saturday, and bringing together your game plan to exploit the visiting Oregon Ducks on the 25th. Fantasizing about freshmen quarterbacks and throwing the depth chart out of order just for a chance at success is foolhardy.

Come on, bye week. Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh? We shouldn’t shake up a team that scored 0 points last week?

You won’t score any points this week either. Just throwing it out there.

That’s ridiculous to even say. Who said anything about scoring points on the bye week?

No one scores on bye week. Bye week is undefeated since we began play in 1916, when Harvard came into town and was decimated by our tactics.

What the hell are you talking about?

I like watching USC beat Washington State by 62.

Okay, I think we’re done here.

No wait. Honestly, I am a little lonely. There’s margaritas in the blender and Jimmy Buffett in the CD player, where do you think you’re going?

I am going to interview that space of time between the final regular season game and the bowl game. You know, Mr. Month Between Games.

Ah, he lives down the street. He makes a mean guacamole.

Okay, fine. I’ll ask you one more question. What’s the most likely scenario for an ASU bye week? Does this actually benefit us?

Yes, C.W. The truth is, Dennis Erickson right now is devising the most diabolical scheme for college football ever seen. No, it’s not the A-11 offense from Piedmont High in California, but you will see Ryan Bass actually gain ground in the running game next week. Expect great things from the Devils.

I will not take your word for it, but I do want some guacamole. Adios, muchacho.