In the spirit of today's partisan politics, C.W. from House Of Sparky mandated a new division be set up in the clandestine office building occupied by Sun Devil groupies and writers of ASU's best sports blog.
This division will be dedicated exclusively to the complete predictions of every Division 1-A college football game, every week. It comes as no surprise that there were dire financial issues that needed to be ironed out before any such effort could be undertaken.
To combat the mediocrity of the Pac-10 and the disinterest in Sun Devil football after a 2-2 start, House Of Sparky will soon be injected with $630 billion in liquidity by the Fed.
In a statement, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke insisted that without the injection of much-needed funds, House Of Sparky's collapse was a "grave threat" to the state of college football blogs, and without a full prediction of every game, he would have "nothing else to do" while he sat helplessly watching the financial world unravel.
Earlier, speaking from the floor of his cubicle, where he had dropped a rogue chip and was in the process of picking it up, C.W. said "54 games [is a] a staggering number to predict, but its only a part of the cost of the failed House Of Sparky blog ideas - ideas that were built on budget recklessness ... combined with an anything goes 'Sun Devil bias' policy, [that] have taken us to where we are today.
"And where are we? Lying on a dirty rug, eating cheetos. I mean, come on, did you really think I was going to think of 10 things to do on a Sun Devil gameday? What a pile of crap."
In a surprise, unexpected move, House Of Sparky was attacked by Canadian financial analysts.
"This is the worst of all outcomes,'' said Shaun Osborne, chief currency strategist at TD Securities Inc. in Toronto. "It sows the seeds of more uncertainty. We may hit new lows in the dollar-yen.''
In a written press release, C.W. responded brusquely to any such notion.
"If I didn't think we were on the brink of an economic disaster it would be the easiest thing to say no to this," C.W. wrote. But he said House Of Sparky needed to do what was in the best interest of the Sun Devil nation. "Besides, they don't even play football in Asia."
Ironically, C.W. was later spotted wearing a Kosuke Fukudome jersey. When approached about the subject, he covered his face and declined to comment, possibly citing blogger protection laws recently passed during a lull in Congressional debate.
C.W. also noted in his press release that the game predictions would be available for viewing on the evening of September 29th. As it turns out, you can work pretty hard when you are given $630 billion to work with.
UPDATE: You can now see the newly formed Predictions and Analysis Office (PAO) at work, as all the picks for this week are up now. Enjoy.